So way back in the first week of January when I decided we could mix things up and do any of January’s vegetables at any time during January, what was really happening was I was conveniently getting myself out of having to eat peas right away. I hate peas. I say this like I don’t hate all vegetables, but I really hate peas. Of course, there are a lot of variations of peas, so I should clarify that I don’t hate all peas, especially since I’ve already handily defeated English peas and plain ole peas; no, what I hate are mystery peas.
I didn’t start out with the intention to wage an all out war on mystery peas. My intention was to have a nice little one- or two-night battle with snow peas and move on to something much more harrowing, like turnips. Even though snow peas are a winter vegetable (gross) they have a pretty inviting and jolly name (snow!), so I figured that jolliness would easily translate to my plate and ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on. I tried really hard to ignore the part about them being peas. SNOW! peas. Like that.
However, on account of the fact that my enthusiasm for shopping and cooking took a nosedive with the temperature, I opted to check in with my favorite Chinese takeout place to see which of their signature dishes were cooked with snow peas. And that’s where it all went south.
First, in its successful attempt to be less awesome, my favorite Chinese place had reformed itself from 100 percent excellent to 50 percent average and become a pan-Asian fusion and sushi joint. Assholes. Second, apparently pan-Asians don’t like snow peas.
Awesome as Ever Supporter Melissa R. had offered to pick up dinner on her way home from work, so we were required to put in our orders with her before the end of the day. I was concerned the menu didn’t include snow peas, but the moo goo gai pan had sugar snap peas, which was a kind of pea I hadn’t eaten yet (or had I? I distinctly remember trying to sort out the pea situation during fall pea week and getting nowhere), so I had a very difficult choice to make: would we give up on moderately enjoyable pan-Asian in favor of finding Chinese snow peas, or would we stick with the subpar standby’s snap peas so I could say moo goo gai pan all night? That’s right, moo goo gai pan.
Melissa reassured me: “If you can eat sugar snap, you would be able to eat snow.”
Awful. Hate them. Horrible. Awful. Can’t say enough how much I hate them. Awful. I also hate my totally mediocre former favorite Chinese place for perpetrating this transgression against me. Terrible, terrible, terrible.
So, I hate sugar snap peas. But what about snow peas? And mystery peas? And do I lose? Right. I’ll get to that in a minute.
I hate winter vegetables.