waxing philosophical–jvv gets fancy

In my effort to put off eating turnips as long as possible (I have until the end of March, which is plenty of time) I decided to make muffins for dinner last night. This decision was informed not by a remarkable lack of food in the house (although there was a remarkable lack of food in the house) but by a family tradition of eating breakfast for supper when the day was too long and the night was too short to come up with anything better or more creative. And when there was a remarkable lack of food in the house.

So last night I did what I always do when I make muffins. I cut open the Martha White packet of bran muffin mix (see bit above about lack of food in the house, I didn’t even have mix for good muffins, like blueberry or strawberry, mmmm). Dumped the powdery contents into a bowl. Added 2/3 cup of milk. And then all of a sudden I grossed myself out.

No reason for this:

When I own this:

Why am I using this processed packet of bullshit when I have an entire cookbook devoted solely to muffins, with which I can aspire to the greatest muffin heights, and make the fanciest of fancy pants muffins? Why?

So I was thinking. When JVV ends—and it will end, I will beat every goddamn vegetable on my list, including turnips, and this will all be over, and we’ll all go back to our regularly scheduled lives—my regularly scheduled life is going to feel hollow and empty without something to growl at and beat down. Since I’m good at basically nothing, it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out what’s next, and until last night I was pretty settled on gardening/planting shit/trying not to kill live things (ok, I lied about being good at nothing, I’m really, really good at killing things), but when I shared this with Naysayer Tom he said, “I’ve met you, you can’t garden hot and fast.” So maybe I’ll put off gardening a bit longer and start with something ever so slightly less difficult but way, way more rewarding, like baking. Muffins and cakes and pies and truffles (can you get those from baking?) and things I’ve never heard of. Really fancy pants baking. Like Food Network fancy.

Here are the ground rules: Cookies are off the table because I’ll quit before I ever get started. And I’m gonna need one of these.

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9 thoughts on “waxing philosophical–jvv gets fancy

  1. Omg, you are supposed to eat turnips? Is that even considered a food?

    Truffles do sound like a delicate awesome chocolate something rather than a fungus that grows in the dirt amongst animal feces and rotting foliage.

    Just say the word Mrs. Benz-Pottie and I’ll ship you Martha Stewart’s Cupcakes cookbook. I mean, why settle for muffins when you can do cupcakes? Same amount of effort. Not nearly the same taste.

    B for D (breakfast for dinner) has kept me alive for years. Amen.

  2. I’m not aspiring to naysayer status or anything, but do you realize how hard baking is? It’s not just add milk. And you have to have table salt, no kosher or sea salt allowed. And a sifter. And you have to sift the table salt. And if you don’t sift the salt it turns your kitchen into a fiery inferno. I’m just sayin.

  3. I have a perfect thing to send you for the new endeavour, which I was going to send you anyway but has now become perfect. You’ll know why when you see it.

  4. And I am the Queen of Baking for several different baked goods, cakes (and cupcakes) included. It only took 35 years. Just sayin’. Will gladly send recipes upon request. WIN! WIN! WIN!

    1. Damn.

      And since I killed (dead, dead, dead) my Chia herb garden, gardening is definitely off the table.

      Julie versus….math.

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