I was feeling a little more optimistic about January when I didn’t keel over after cabbage stew, so I decided to briefly set aside my unnecessarily ambitious plan to conquer the whole month in one week and dedicate the next few days to cabbage. Plain ole cabbage.
I fear and have avoided eating cabbage for a lot of reasons. For one thing, it’s a vegetable. For another, it has a stupid, jarring name. I am not a fan. And also, I definitely discriminate against it for being grown in a patch with orphan babies. That just doesn’t seem right. So it’s taken me a while to overcome these ingrained biases and get to the point where I understand that cabbage is just another leafy green, like arugula, or something else lovely I already love. I can love cabbage, too, I can love cabbage, too, I can love cabbage, too.
When I was complaining about cabbage to JVV’s friends on facebook (I don’t know why y’all are still my friends, I am so cranky), lots of folks offered up some really great ideas, but most of them involved cooking it in ways that would make the cabbage too closely resemble my nemesis, the onion. To me, cooked cabbage looks like onion’s red-headed stepsister, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t woman enough to take her on. Then I remembered rhu-Barb saying somewhere, sometime, something like, “You could always just add shredded cabbage to shrimp tacos.” Mmmm. Tacos. Voila. Thank you, rhu-Barb.
To make shrimp tacos, I took a little bit of my awesomeness, added a tad of my greatness, mixed it together with my brilliance and topped it with cabbage. Twenty-some odd weeks ago if I’d tried to make this meal, I would have had to track down and compare 15 different recipes, consult with the Google on everything from the origins of cabbage to the history of the taco, and spend countless hours wandering grocery aisles looking for the abundance of ingredients I still hadn’t decided on for gourmet tacos that would probably still be a bust.
But now I’m a pro, so here’s what I did instead. I combined the top notch culinary skills we’ve all taught me throughout the course of this project with some very important life skills I’ve spent years honing, i.e., a little bit-o-kitchen know-how plus a lot of laziness equals one fantastic taco.
After Terrible Vegetable Smorgasbord Sunday, Melissa sent me home with the leftover cabbage she’d picked up at Trader Joe’s while I was napping. Cabbage, check. Then I started pulling out some of my favorites, spectacular standbys like avocadoes, tomatoes and cheese, all items I always have in the house. Favorites, check. Then I got fancy, zeroing in on Elwood’s seriously good homemade hot sauce and ranch dressing to cool my mouth from Elwood’s seriously hot homemade hot sauce. Fanciness, check.
Now I just needed the shrimp. And I was so close to putting this whole meal together without wandering any aisles.
David and I have never been very smart about our freezer. We don’t know how to buy frozen food, we don’t know how to eat the frozen food we do buy, and we don’t know how to freeze food if it’s not already frozen. I don’t necessarily hold this against us because I’m happy to eat fresh food, but in the case of fish, frozen is probably the safest route for me, except for the part about not knowing how to buy frozen food. The one reliable frozen fish item David and I have purchased consistently over the years is breaded, popcorn shrimp, which is probably really processed pig parts in the shape of tiny shrimp, but we like it. And we always get the same kind: Kroger brand. So last week, pre-tacos, we were thinking about having shrimp and potatoes and David said he would pick up the shrimp on the way home, but when he got home he had in hand a different brand of frozen shrimp because he couldn’t find the kind we normally eat. It turns out we really liked the new brand, not least because the shrimp were definitely real and were supposedly caught near St. Simon’s Island, which is nearby (I dig local) and my family is from there, so I felt good about supporting folks from home. Mmm shrimp. But this week, shrimp taco week, when I asked David to pick up the same shrimp for shrimp tacos he could not remember where he got it. This was cause for minor panic at our house. For me. Before either of us embarked on an all-out shrimp hunt in the frozen aisles of all the grocery stores we frequent, I made him retrace his steps in his mind.
“Try to picture the aisle where you got the shrimp. Were there high ceilings (which could be Kroger on Edgewood or Publix on Glenwood) or lower-ish ceilings (Publix on Ponce)? Was it bright-ish (Publix) or darkish (Kroger)? Were you sort of near the front or the back of the store?”
Then I realized I was describing our grocery stores, in detail, to determine on which aisle he had been standing when he plucked the shrimp from its case, and I began to feel reasonably confident that I probably won’t ever get lost in my grocery stores again. I’m having kind of a big head about this right now.
We were able to conclude from this little exercise that he got the shrimp at the Publix on Ponce and the reason he got the new brand in the first place was because he was at Publix and we usually get Kroger brand, so it stands to reason he wouldn’t have been able to find our usual brand at Publix. I’m like a food sleuth. I amaze me. Big head getting bigger.
On taco night, I tossed the shrimp in the hot sauce, made a pico out of the tomatoes, avocado and cheese, then tossed that in the ranch dressing, put them all in fancy pants pretty little flour tortillas and topped those babies with some shredded cabbage. Holy best taco ever. Big head explodes.
16 thoughts on “battle 23–day 2–cabbage”
You’ve been to Babyland General, am I right? You should LOVE cabbage for no other reason than it gave us those famed ‘orphans’…Remember Romey? Cabbage love, JVV, cabbage love.
I remember Ramey/Romey. And Sybil Sadie. (“I guess it’s up to you and me…..we’ve got to fiiiiiiiiiiind a way to get back hoooooooooooome…..this time we’re really on our oooooooooooown…”) Sorry, brief interlude for some e-singing. Which I know you love. (“We don’t need no education…..we don’t need no thought control…..”)
It’s still weird.
And I really love e-singing.
Alright, TOTALLY uncalled for. The first song, I was there with you, even smiled, then you got all douchey and went Pink Floyd on me. JULIE, they chopped those kids up in a meat grinder. IN A MEAT GRINDER. Then that creepy creepster shaved off his eyebrows. I’m just saying.
I also love e-singing, unless it is Pink Floyd. Douche.
We’ve got to…get away from Cabbage Jack, and get back home again. There’ll be laughter in the cabbage patch again.
Not only has she been to Babyland General, her grandmother used to work there and birthed those babies!
OMG, I’m SO jealous. I used to love that place. My mom still has my ‘bastard’ Cabbage Patch doll…you know the knock offs that one of the nurses started making after leaving BLG. I had the hard faced kind too, but not the same.
I love this post too much! Not only do we have e-singing of the Cabbage Patch variety, we have shrimp from SSI, aka Home Sweet Home, all chopped up with the new knives Julie got for Christmas! I’m feeling homesick ‘long about now……
Plus laughing out loud. That makes for a great post.
Also, I want some of those damn tacos!
Yes, I was just going to start pestering you again to send me some more, but I’m going to need more than that little bottle (which I’ve been using sparingly and greedily hoarding it for myself to make it last longer). Can I put in a request for Costco size?
We will see what we can do about getting you a bigger bottle. Gotta put in an order for more chiles. 🙂
And to think I spent all that time racking my brain for places you could GO and PAY for someone to make you a taco with cabbage, and then you get all New Gourmet Cook on us and make your own. That big head looks good on you.
I am here through facebook and followed a link but if you are interested I have 2 very awesome suggestions for cabbage. The first is cabbage rolls which I have been eating since I was very small and the other is chopping the cabbage up very small and sauteing it with butter and then adding bacon and dill. It may sound a bit weird but there are few things that are better!
Hi Alex, I will definitely try that, except for the dill part. I haven’t really worked my way up to spices yet. That’s a whole culinary arena for the kind of grownup I am not. I’ve basically worked my way up to cranky teenager.
Omg! Omg! Somebody other than my mom reads the blog!
Bitch, I read your blog!
Well…. i usually stay far away from food that doesn’t involved preservatives or artificial flavors, but for some reason I find myself reading a blog about vegetables. You are too funny. Cabbage is gross unless you put it on a corn tortilla with fried fish (its white and looks like fish, but could be like hot dog fish) and spicy mayo. Otherwise, it tastes like ass.
It is time you begin to embrace the wonderful scent, flavor, texture and subtleties that is ‘the onion’.
Onion infused hot sauce..
Elwood, send 2 bottles 🙂
Can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE eat these tacoss and then go to the cabbage patch farm where they grow babies and where your grandmother used to work ?
Alex, my blog is posted above. Please read!
Miss you girl!